Am I killing or saving myself? Even though my parents, along with the establishment, the institutions and the organized facilities are telling me to turn back and return to their society I just keep on walking the other way, I keep refusing to accept their guidance. I keep burning the bridges, leaving no breadtrace back home. Is it rebellion, stupidity, desperation or something completely different? Am I following my ideals or running away from my safety net or perhaps even both? Or neither? I'm pretty confused right now and it's got absolutely nothing to do with nihilism, it's got nothing to do with idealism, not anarchy, not punk rock, not DIY not anything except a burning instinct to break lose from my chains and do something fun that would make me be able to breathe fresh air again. Maybe Mischief Brew just makes me melancholic or going nu-emo. But tomorrow I am rejecting my parents demands and taking the train out of oslo to stay at Dariok's place; miles and miles away from my parents destination. I feel kind of like a teenage girl running away because her parents are treating her like if she was a sacred piece of painting who's running away for the first time though it's probably my 20th time or something. But I suppose it's just the way things are, people are following their ideals as die-hards, avoiding all compromise because giving in to compromises is the excact same thing as giving up, playing their game. But aren't we them to the opposite forces? Is it really after all just a question about point of view? What if it isn't about system and anarchy, what if it isn't all about fighting it but rather reaching out a hand. Then again, that is my definition of anarchy, a society where people can depend on each other and not each others money and materialistic values. Where organizations handling economy and calling it charity is replaced by people actually caring for each other. When that sixteen year old girl lying in the back alley with her face all numb and red, full of bruises and marks isn't ignored and have to wait for the cops to help her but will actually be helped by actual people who aren't doing it to get their sallary but because they care, though they have never ever met this girl and don't know if she's a drug addict, just going through a regular day of oppression and violence or a rich girl who was at the wrong place at the wrong time they would still reach out a hand and actually help her rather then giving ten bucks a year to some rainforest organization and buying =Oslo believing this makes up for all the apathy and therefore having a good enough conscience to just walk by hoping the police will pick her up later. I don't believe in a form of society, I believe in humanity. Is that radical? I remember while staying in Moss I was gonna sleep over at this girl's place when I took the bus too far and ended up at the end station, so to reach her appartment faster I decided to run since I actually enjoy running just for the heck of it. It was pretty dark since it was part eleven and september, and this woman drives up next to me and asks me if everything was okay. She was pretty much the only driver on the road that night. I told her I was okay but was looking for someone, so she asked me if I needed a phone and lend me hers so I could call my friend. I got a hold of June and the woman asked me if I needed a ride, she was going the same way so I thanked her for the generosity and got into her car, I asked her if she was a night-raven or something. A night-raven is this non-profit organization that patrols the streets at night making sure everyone's alright and stuff. She started laughing and told me she was selling designer vibrators and that she had just been to a party to promote her products. I told her she had given me a lot more faith in the human race. We shared a laugh as we drove further down the darkened road that saturday night. Although I had a lot of other good times that weekend that was definitely the highlight. Espescially taken into concideration that I spent the rest of the night at a uptight student party, listening to homophobe and racist jokes and watching apathic students shotting calinca and battery listening to hit singles from 2002 calling it Retro and partying like a bunch of fourteen year olds. Needless to say I pissed in their shoes. Am I a hypocrit? Maybe I'm not excactly spreading out the word about solidarity but at least I pissed off some right-wings.
Peace out y'all.