I choose the black pill.

Am I killing or saving myself? Even though my parents, along with the establishment, the institutions and the organized facilities are telling me to turn back and return to their society I just keep on walking the other way, I keep refusing to accept their guidance. I keep burning the bridges, leaving no breadtrace back home. Is it rebellion, stupidity, desperation or something completely different? Am I following my ideals or running away from my safety net or perhaps even both? Or neither? I'm pretty confused right now and it's got absolutely nothing to do with nihilism, it's got nothing to do with idealism, not anarchy, not punk rock, not DIY not anything except a burning instinct to break lose from my chains and do something fun that would make me be able to breathe fresh air again. Maybe Mischief Brew just makes me melancholic or going nu-emo. But tomorrow I am rejecting my parents demands and taking the train out of oslo to stay at Dariok's place; miles and miles away from my parents destination. I feel kind of like a teenage girl running away because her parents are treating her like if she was a sacred piece of painting who's running away for the first time though it's probably my 20th time or something. But I suppose it's just the way things are, people are following their ideals as die-hards, avoiding all compromise because giving in to compromises is the excact same thing as giving up, playing their game. But aren't we them to the opposite forces? Is it really after all just a question about point of view? What if it isn't about system and anarchy, what if it isn't all about fighting it but rather reaching out a hand. Then again, that is my definition of anarchy, a society where people can depend on each other and not each others money and materialistic values. Where organizations handling economy and calling it charity is replaced by people actually caring for each other. When that sixteen year old girl lying in the back alley with her face all numb and red, full of bruises and marks isn't ignored and have to wait for the cops to help her but will actually be helped by actual people who aren't doing it to get their sallary but because they care, though they have never ever met this girl and don't know if she's a drug addict, just going through a regular day of oppression and violence or a rich girl who was at the wrong place at the wrong time they would still reach out a hand and actually help her rather then giving ten bucks a year to some rainforest organization and buying =Oslo believing this makes up for all the apathy and therefore having a good enough conscience to just walk by hoping the police will pick her up later. I don't believe in a form of society, I believe in humanity. Is that radical? I remember while staying in Moss I was gonna sleep over at this girl's place when I took the bus too far and ended up at the end station, so to reach her appartment faster I decided to run since I actually enjoy running just for the heck of it. It was pretty dark since it was part eleven and september, and this woman drives up next to me and asks me if everything was okay. She was pretty much the only driver on the road that night. I told her I was okay but was looking for someone, so she asked me if I needed a phone and lend me hers so I could call my friend. I got a hold of June and the woman asked me if I needed a ride, she was going the same way so I thanked her for the generosity and got into her car, I asked her if she was a night-raven or something. A night-raven is this non-profit organization that patrols the streets at night making sure everyone's alright and stuff. She started laughing and told me she was selling designer vibrators and that she had just been to a party to promote her products. I told her she had given me a lot more faith in the human race. We shared a laugh as we drove further down the darkened road that saturday night. Although I had a lot of other good times that weekend that was definitely the highlight. Espescially taken into concideration that I spent the rest of the night at a uptight student party, listening to homophobe and racist jokes and watching apathic students shotting calinca and battery listening to hit singles from 2002 calling it Retro and partying like a bunch of fourteen year olds. Needless to say I pissed in their shoes. Am I a hypocrit? Maybe I'm not excactly spreading out the word about solidarity but at least I pissed off some right-wings.
Peace out y'all.

- V

Scenekids

Right, so I'm pretty fucking fed up with the shit. I'm on Corporateshitbook (facebook) and am just about to check my requests when I suddenly see the most fucked up box I've ever seen on Facecock. "You have been invited to Scenekid gathering 9/20th". Not just do I ignore the request. I reply with a VERY spicy message: "You know, I do have ideals. YES I want Oslo to burn, I want the shitfaced majority to open their eyes and actually learn shit; but I DO NOT want a revolution as long as it means holding hands with you. You can take your My Chemical Romance, Killswitch Engage and all your other fake, sellout idols and shove them up your dolled out, pro-comercialism, dollarshitting mascaraarses. You say scene kids, goths, punks, emos and metalheads are invited? But how the fuck do you know that any of these even want to hang out with eachother or even be assosiated with one another? There already are places for punks in Oslo, but you probably never been to neither Barrikaden or Blitz because you're either too ignorant or you're simply against it. I don't need a bunch of fakeass makeupdolls to make me feel like a part of a society. You should at least have the desency to remove Punks from your invitation list because because I don't know any punks with a sense of selfrespect and dignity who would meet up at this event. If you concider coke, Bodymap and Tim Burton t-shirts punk rock you can fuck yourself. - Yours Truly, D. "

I kept thinking about this for a few hours, because this triggered something. "is this really today's definiton of punk rock?" Hooking up with a bunch of kids who concider themselves outcasts outside the biggest scenekid store in norway? What the fuck... But then I came to think about something that has been bugging my unconsciousness for years. How many of us do still cling to our ideals? I remember seeing all these actual Blitz kids drinking pepsi and sipping down coca cola, I remember all the hypocracy in the scene. Is punk rock more then just another scene? Is it more than just a dirty appeal and homemade clothes? Are we aware of our choices? Are we idealists or just lacking identity? I even remember this time when I was speaking to this girl at Blitz, I asked her about her political views and she said "she had a lot of own opinions". I asked what she meant by that and she told me "I think animal-cruelty is wrong and I hate war and Bush." ... Who the fuck with a right mind doesn't hate bush? Who likes war? Is this the modern day ideology that imprints the punk scene? These kids are wearing ACAB shirts and they don't even know why they hate the police! These kids are all members of the NDF and not even half of them are vegetarians, and fifty percent of the vegetarians are wearing expensive leatherjackets! Do you know what your bands sing about, bitch? What the fuck is Eminem doing right under Dead Gherardsens on your mp3 play... Ohmy fucking god is that a iPod? Does revolution come in a hairspray can? Does it come through your alternative press? Does it come with your leatherjacket? Does it come with your marrocan marijuana which probably cost several people their harvest and food because some mafia forced them to replace their corn with marijuana and cocaine plants? No. No it doesn't. You judge me for being a PC-Nazi. Fuck you. If these are my modern day revolutionaries then kill me please.

- V

What holiday?

On my way to Oslo the other day, I came to think about something, that entire year I had been looking forward to the summer vacation. I mean, I'm not excactly a study-person, at least not in the the norwegian institutions. I mean, I'm not saying education is wasted, it just doesn't match with my current lifestyle. I'm not interested in rotting in a social cage my entire life, so why would I want further education? But for some reason I am studying media and communication. possibly just because I enjoy making flyers, movies and websites and that Skedmo VGS provides excellent resources for my works (I usually steal away resources like cameras, programs and stuff like that for ages at a time). Anyhow, I suddenly realized something: Why the fuck was I really looking forward to the summer holidays? For those of you who do not know: since Christmas I have spent more than 32 days away from school, excluding holidays. I had been looking forward to the holidays because of the shows I was gonna see, but I'm always going to shows. I mean, I can't remember one single month this year when I havent been to see at least one or two shows. So doesn't that pretty much make my entire life a continuing holiday? At least this year has been pretty pleasant except for shrink-visits, fights at home and constant run-aways, my time has been dedicated more to drinking than homework, school and work.
Can it be that the reason why I am looking forward to the holiday is because I feel guilt?
I haven't noticed it myself, but can it be because I constantly disapoint certain people around me? It can't be because of my disapointment in myself, I honestly don't have any. I live as freely as I can and try to make the most out of even rainy-days. I remember a few weeks ago, my shrink asked me; What do Daniel Carlsen want with his life?
The answer: I want things to stay this way.
Peace out, bitches, holidays starts tomorow and I can't fucking wait to go to Moss Punk Rock Festival.

P.S. Don't worry, I will get my hands on a camera someday soon, blogs without photos are fucking square. And not in a sexual way.